The energy parasite Procrastinatus delayi

146. 22 December 2021

“This very common energy drainer is generally found

Infesting humans with good levels of energy

But a lack of self-knowledge, enabling them to

Sit hunched over a newspaper for hours,

Telling themselves they’ll just read one more article

And then get on with whatever they’re not getting on with.

Meanwhile the energy parasite is slurping up

Energy leaking from the stasis field in which they sit.

*

“Like most energy parasites, Procrastinatus would look

Like a small 5-dimensional black hole

If you could see it, which you can’t.

Your behaviour gives the diagnosis:

You want to get on, but you can’t,

As if something external is stopping you.

We’ve only recently had the instruments to make them visual,

Seeing how they’re made of dark matter.

*

“Procrastinatus has recently had a population surge

Owing to the wonderful newspaper-beating Olympic

Timewasting attributes of smartphones.

Some researchers are calling the new sub-species

Procrastinatus mobili.

They suspect it breeds inside the phone.”

***

coffee might help?